Summer in Belgrade. An African heat wave struck the country last week, 30 degrees by night and up to 40 per day. A season for adventure? Sure, why not. Love, maybe? So they say.
I was thinking today, we are born alone, we die alone, yet all of our lives we are searching for that “other half” of ours, that one(?) person to spend our life with. Why? Because humans are social beings and are not meant to always be alone? Maybe. Because we are bored alone? I don’t think so. Because we are insecure on our own? Could be, it happens, not a major case I’d say. So why then when it is always the same?
If you are lucky enough to have a decent family, your parents take care of you from the moment you are born, you always feel loved and cherished but, sadly, you realize that only when you grow up. The first fall from a tree, a crash from a bike, a finger cut, someone stole your toy, a dog barked at you, you were tricked for change in a supermarket, whatever, you run to your mama and she makes it all go away. Then you hit the puberty and start thinking you are the smartest person on Earth. You fall under the norms and standards of society, you get complexes, totally stupid and irrelevant things become a priority to you. You lose your innocence. But at least you have your friends. You pass an exam; you call a dear person to share your happiness. You get a job; you celebrate with your friends. You are bored and want to get out of the house; you call your friends to go out with you. You want to party; there is always someone who can join you. And you keep growing up.
But, “with great power, comes great responsibility”. As you go through life, you see that people change, and their priorities change, too. Whether they realize it or not, everyone is trying to find their place under the Sun, to fit in somewhere. Alone or not, it is their choice, but it becomes their priority. And, when you turn around, all of your friends are gone somewhere, doing something, spending their time on their priorities, not really having the time for you. You want to go out, meet people, talk privately to someone; suddenly all of your friends are busy, working, married, nursing, etc, solving problems of their own. “Hey, today I did a really good thing [somewhere]”, you think. The thought remains unspoken. “Hey, this amazing thing happened to me today”, you think. The thought remains unspoken. “Hey, I have this or that problem, I could ask for some advice”, you think. The question remains unasked.
The cold truth strikes you. Friends or no friends, one or many of them, close or not, you are always the only one to care the most about yourself. Your wishes, your achievements, your sadness and your joys, your thoughts and your desires, they are only yours. Unless you post them on Facebook, but that’s another story… So, why do you keep looking for a man to spend your life with? With someone who also wants to make his dreams become reality? How can you be sure that you’d find a person to understand you perfectly, to always be there for you, to have a high dose of affection for you, to share his moments with you, and yet you both don’t lose yourself in that community? You need a friend, a companion, a lover. One to give you strength and support when you need it, one who can enjoy life together with you in all its ups and downs. You need symbiosis, a friend said. I totally agree. And what if you want to look for your happiness at a place where your man doesn’t, assuming you were lucky enough to find him? In another part of the world maybe. Will you sacrifice your wishes and beliefs so that you can be a housewife in Africa? Will you stay with a drug user only because he is a good lover? Would you move to an always rainy and depressive city to have security? Some would. And you? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know it? Let’s assume you do. So, why would you drop your dreams to accompany someone in pursuit of their own? Because you don’t want to be alone. Why not? Now we are back at the beginning.
Whatever you decide, to be alone or to keep looking for your “other half”, Wolfsheim said it nicely:
“Es geht kein Weg zurück.
Was jetzt ist, wird nie mehr ungeschehen.
[There is no way back.
What now is, will never be undone]”.
We have only one life. Wrong choices can be expensive but, as a friend said, there is never security. So, should we try to be with someone? Should we risk it? Or should we always be ourselves instead?
“Du willst noch leben, irgendwann.
Doch wenn nicht heute, wann denn dann?
Denn irgendwann ist auch ein Traum zu lange her.“
[You want to live, some day.
But if not today, when will you?
‘cause anytime also a dream is too long ago.]”